Today is Tuesday. I'm not sure if I even care to keep count on the days because I am so scared. Mom and Dad don't want to tell me what's going on, but I think they know because of the way they whisper secretly at night. I'm not afraid for myself, but for my parents, my little sister and brother. I don't know what I would do without them. For now, nothing much has happened, except that we stood under scorching sun the whole day, watching many people get into these boxcars. It was horrible, just standing there, waiting, waiting for something, a ride somewhere, I do not know. I have packed a small bundle of clothes and some food, as there lis little more I own. And then I packed this diary as well. I'm not sure why I write all this down, but as there is time at night in which it is impossible to sleep, I begin to write. Mostly, I've gotten a taste of Hell.
I have no idea what day it is anymore. But I do know that it is day 5 of being in the Warshaw Ghetto. Ma and Pa talk into the late night with other adults of the ghetto, so soft that i cannot hear them. Even though radios are forbidden Rabbi Margi could not bear to part with his and hid it, so now we use it to our advantage. The adults try to get information, anything, that could help us. My thoughts in this diary are scattered, but it seems i have nothing better to do these days. They seem endless, most of my belongings are gone, the Nazis have taken them, even the new gold watch my father bought me for my 13th birthday only a week ago. It is times like these that I hate being an only child, no one to pass the unending hours with. No one to share my feeling with, and to tell you the truth I am scared. I am trying to stay strong though, for my family, for my ma, and my pa, and my grandparents. But what is happening? I don't really know. Where will we go? I'm hoping we will stay in the ghetto till the end of the war. But for some reason I have a feeling that won't be happening. Ma is calling me for dinner now, I will probably write again later this evening, what else would I do anyways.
I am so confused. My head hurts. So far, nothing has happened to my family. I have seen many families getting separated, and that is what has affected me the most. I do not know why they are being separated. The Nazis are being really mean to everyone. They have told everyone that they must work in order to survive. The beds that they gave us did not even have mattresses. It was really uncomfortable for someone to sleep on a bed that was made out of brick. The beds did not even have blankets! Anyways, I do not want my parents to do anything risky. I feel very sad and lonely. My sister and my father and my sister have tried to escape. They did not escape, but they found many interesting facts. Every night, all of the adults would gather in the bathroom because it was the only place the Nazis would not dare to come in. The meetings were (like) top secret. I tried not to hear what the adults were talking about; but all I heard were my parents trying to calm everyone about their news. I figured out sooner or later my parents had to tell me, if they did not, I would ask my sister. I could not help myself anymore that I asked my sister. She said she saw something she was not supposed to see. She said it was terrible. I did not want to ask her anymore questions. Instead I comforted her. I told her that everything would be fine, when I had a feeling that things would get worse. Every night, my parents tell me to be strong and that things would get better. But I hated everything since the first day I had come to the camp. There was no food, no clean clothing, and the bathroom had a horrid smell. Most of the time I wonder what had happened to the rest of my family. I wonder if they are in some place safe. But when my sister and I asked our parents, they looked at each other and told us what was going on. My sister was trying to hold back her tears, but she burst out and said "Daddy, I am so sorry for the way I had been acting in the past. I am so sorry for everything I did that made you upset." Both of my parents were trying not to cry and started to hug my sister and I as hard as they could. I hope I survive this horrible mess that the Nazis are doing. This is the only way I can express my feelings; on paper.
It is night. We are all in here, trying to rest, trying to forget, and trying to escape the day awaiting us. Everyone is crammed into the brick beds, 400 people, all from different families. I’m also alone. I don’t know where my mom, dad, of sisters are at, but I hope they are in a safe place. We’ve all been outside in the freezing weather, working to please the stupid Nazis. There is no more hope, love, warmth, or life; all the smiles are gone. It was just a couple of days ago that we arrived at the camp. When we came in, all our belongings were taken away, everything, but somehow I managed to save my diary. This diary was a gift from my daddy for my 14th birthday; he had told me to write down all the good things that would happen to me this year… I am so scared, but I have no one to trust; I fear life. I can’t tell anyone how I feel, so I’m writing this on my diary, just telling myself how I feel. The minutes pass by, and I have no idea what I am doing. Why do I bother to write? Why do I bother to live? I wish everything would just end, so that my family and I could go back to Sighet. Well, I’ve got to go, the Nazis are calling us. They want us to take a shower.
This horrible thirst is still no match to the fear that lies within my family and me. We have been hidding for days even though not much trouble has ever passed us by. We just know something terrible will happen and so we have prepared for it as soon as possible. All I could think about last night was the sound of men marching and chanting something in German. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that our family is still together and alive. No one has even dared to look outside for survivors and close ones. Even the bravest of men were put down and were forced to hide in the hell hole we call a hiding place. Even the children, such as myself, are miserable without the life we used to have back at home. I fear that one day they will soon find us and that shall be the day of my death. It is sad to see people like me preparing for their death when they should still live a full and happy life. The parents only thought of their kids and were willing to sacrifice themselves to keep them alive... just like my mother did for me before I came here.No one really keeps track of time anymore but we still find ways to occupy ourselves easily. My father says "as long as we still have our families and our health we can make it through this alive" and I have charished his words since he said them. Now I ssit here in the dimmest of rooms as a part of the most saddest people to be alive. All we can do is hope for ourselves and others like us, all we can do is have faith to be saved. Now I should sleep to save my energy even though I might not wake up the next day. - Michael L.
I learned a great deal about life today. I think subconsciously I already knew this, just never came to the realization. People are cruel and life is unfair. I've tried and tried to tell Mother and Father that there's something going on, but of course no one listens to me. There's something terrible about to happen to us, to us all but no one listens. We are a part of a bigger picture here that people are too ignorant to see. I don't know what it is yet, but I can feel it in the air around us. There's tension and weakness and despair that's all around us. People are beginning to go crazy. It seems like we've been quarantined as if we were a bunch of disease infested termites. My Father is getting more information about what's going on than what he tells us. Maybe it's for our own good, maybe it's not. He says that we all need to be ready in the morning to be moved to another part of town. It sounds like another purgatory almost. I don't know. If people would just listen to me now though, we could all save ourselves. Quite frankly, I don't know which is scarier, the fear of the unknown, or knowing you could save someone if only they would listen. Oh well, looks like I might not be here in the morning. I guess it all depends on what lies they try to tell us tomorrow. I hate seeing people, my people, my brothers and sisters, be so influenced with the world around them. Until tomorrow,-Yolanda-
They took my bag away, the Nazis. I am so hungry, they say that we don't deserve food. I am trying to figure out what I did so wrong that I cannot even have a bite of bread. I do not know where Daddy is. On the second day, they took him away. I tried hard not to cry, but the tears flowed down anyways. Streaming down my cheek in a fast pace. I miss his hugs everynight. Mama said that he is okay, but I know for a fact that she is not being completely honest. Mama does not know where Daddy is, she does not know if he is okay or not. All she knows is that we all miss him. Every day we are awakened by the Nazis. Before the sun rises we are forced to work. All they tell me to do is dig, and move rocks around. I do not see the point of this. But they threaten us. They say that if we do not work then we die. They say if we dare to yell, disagree, or do anything to disgrace them then we would regret it and that we'll never see our families again. I see kids crying everyday. I am too nervous and scared to try and talk to them, but I do know that some of them do not have a Mama and Daddy. The days are long, the nights are short. We do not get much sleep. Sissy tries to comfort me, but I know that she is the one that needs to be comforted. I see her cry everday. I know that she misses Daddy terribly. Sometimes at night, when my eyelids are drifting down slowly, I can hear his voice, his prayer. I can feel his warm hand on my head. Whenever I dream, I dream about life before the Nazis came. About how Daddy would go to work before Sissy and I wake up. How Mama would sit with us, and teach us how to read. Then Mama would start making dinner then Daddy would come home with a big smile on his face. Oh how I miss those times...-Bria
I don’t know what day it is. For a while now my memory has been elapsing. I grow weaker in the mind and body. I’m almost always confused. Sometimes I think about what is happening to my family and what is happening to my world. Only a few weeks ago everything and everyone was as we should be. Peace was among my people; now I have a terrible feeling that death is among us. As I watch those I’ve known for years get loaded into wagons, I begin to understand what is coming. I begin to realize the level of stupidity that has clouded my thoughts. These venomous creatures have finally taken the first bite of my people.-Julieth
What is today? What time is it? I've always wondered these same two things for the past few days. I have no watch nor do i have a calendar. The Nazis took the new gold and silver watch my mother and father got me for my bar mitzvah. I wanted it so bad because you could put a picture of your choice as the background and i chose to put a picture of my family. But now its gone! I don't know why they are takin our stuff and treating us horribly. All I want is for things to go back to normal. I want things to be the way they use to. I don't want to feel like I have to hide my valuables. I don't want to feel like the world is ending. I most definitly don't want to feel like I am going to loose my family. I want to be able to pray because I want to not because I have to. I want to be able to pray because I love my religion not because I am scared. But I will not worry. I will just keep praying and I know that God will help lead me through these hard times and if not I know that I will be in a safe place and that is with him.-Tiana
Everything that was good in my life has been swept away and is never to return. I will never come back the same after these tragedies. My days have become mixed together. I haven't had a full meal in I don't know how long and I don't know where my mom is. I have no picture of my parents or my brother, no food or water, and everybody that I am around is losing their minds. I don't know what I am going to do. My mom always told me what I should do when things were bad and now that things are bad she isn't here. I really am worried about her and I miss her. I can't find a brightness in this dark place that I am in and everywhere that I turn I see a new horrible scene occurring. How am I going to survive?